Of Heat, Horsetails, and Hospitals

It happened. It finally happened. After a solid week of dealing with the Mexican weather, she finally got me. Mexico went all Kathy Bates to my James Caan. But, we shall arrive there shortly.

Saturday was our first rendezvous to one of the natural wonders of the Monterrey area. Cola de Caballo, or Horsetail Falls, is an amazing waterfall that is even more spectacular when you stop and realize that the Monterrey area is a desert climate, and although the surrounding area is mountainous, it is nothing like American peaks, where snow collects and runs off in small streams and creeks. The mountains here are just as arid as the ground level. So to see such a sight, considering the circumstances, is astonishing.


The heat here, as mentioned before, is fierce. I believe I said earlier it was as if Satan ate a Mexican bean dish then decided to fart ever-ceasingly on the entire country. It's just plain hot. And for the first several days I was here, it wasn't a huge problem. I mean, I even wear jeans everyday. But, as I said in my introduction, all good things come to an end. Around Sunday, I found myself not eating on account of the heat. And this normally happens to me in Indiana during the summer. I just wait until the cool night breeze rolls in and gourge myself until I explode (insert shameless Monty Python plug here). Not here. There is no cool breeze. Sweat rolls down the crack of your ass like Niagra Falls 24-7.

So no food + ridiculous temperatures + my already incredibly low body fat = Deep Shit

Last night, I came home, slept, woke up, took about ten steps, and my vision was spotty. I held myself against the counter and told Jeff, "Hey, I'm going to pass out. Maybe you should get some help or something." So we call our guide here. She tries to rush here to take me to the hospital, gets pulled over by the Tranistos (Mexican police), tells them she has to get a sick American to the doctor, and they let her go. MEANWHILE, the school administrator finds out through several phone calls, orders an ambulance to come get me, but the ambulance never arrives because it goes to the school instead, and it takes 3 measure of common sense to realize schools aren't open at 10 o'clock at night. So, 2 hours after I initially feel like "pinin' for the fjords" (Monty Python again - you find it this time), we finally track down this rolling doctor's office on the side of the highway. Yes, I visited the doctor on the side of the highway. No joking. This is when he completely misdiagnosis me, sending me then to a hospital several miles away.

So, we arrive at this said hospital several miles away. Long story made very short - my lack of food intake combined with the many possible ways to catch an infection here have come to fruition and so I am on antibiotics but now feeling fine enough that I scarfed down a large helping of Mexican-Chinese food and have returned to my normal, semi-pasty white color. I am quite certain at this point that there is no infection, but instead I simply could not survive three days on two bananas and a package of crackers (and some children's yogurt that tasted like dirty diaper flambe with a side of raw elephant testicle and a hint of a homeless man's urine).

Two final tidbits so as not to leave you with the impression that I am an infectous, disease carrying Gringo roaming the streets of Mexico with foam lathering from my mouth:

1. In an earlier post, I stated that watching movies in English and reading the subtitles in Spainsh is a fantastic way to learn the language. So tonight I bought two movies: Johnny y June: pasion y locura (Walk the Line) and El Club de Lapella (Fight Club). They cost me 65 pesos each, or 4.99 US dollars. Still looking forward to the day when Rescatando al Soldado Ryan falls into my eager little hands.
   
2. So my shower here suck(ed)...hard. The first time I used it, the middle section fell out and so I was left with a stream of water that would burn a hole through an elephant (the Commando 450). But as of tonight, there is a beautiful, new, stainless steel shower head, waiting to shower me in all its gleaming, steely glory. Dios bendice Mexico...